Individualization to Happiness

National Journal of Homoeopathy (NJH) had published my article “Individualization to Happiness” in their July 2010 issue. And I had received lots of words of appreciation from lots of Doctors and my teachers.

Dr Vishpala Parthsarathy, the editor of NJH loved the thoughts and said “If we can imbibe these thoughts, which we most likely have never thought about, then it can save many marriages and many conflicts.”

Individualization is a very important law of Homoeopathy. NJH had announced an issue to be published on Individualization. And I decided to write something for the issue. I did not want to share cases from my practice this time but, instead wanted to write something different. That was the time I was listening to some of spiritual lectures by Osho. When I was repeating this word again and again in my mind, I found its very deep meaning rooted in our Way of living and in the Inter-personal relationships.

I presented my understanding in the article for Homoeopaths. But, here I would like to present my understanding and share it with each one of you.

There is no individual who has not experienced this law of individualization in his life. Dictionary meaning of ‘Individualization’ is discrimination or perception of the individual within a group or species. Let us understand it in a little detail. We all know that no two individuals are alike. Even two identical twins have their individualistic features.

The way no two individuals share same finger prints, we all have our own unique appearances, skin colour, features, tastes, likes and dislikes, interests, our unique understanding, temperament, intellectual power, our unique thoughts and emotions. Similarly our responses to different stimuli, are also different, whether they are physical, intellectual or emotional.

Say for example, even though a group of people are exposed to same situation, their reactions will be different as per their natures. Say when a family goes to attend a wedding. They all eat ice-cream there. It may happen that next day one person of the family may get fever, other may get tonsillitis and third person may be perfectly fine.

Similarly, also at the level of mind, we find individualizing, unique experiences of every human being to different situations. One person feels anxious and other frightful, one gets angry and other can handle same situation with better mental composure, one will get confused and other will have clarity, one will suppress anger and other will express it.

We come across individualizing responses to different emotions, one will throw objects and other will be snappish in response to anger. One will get increased heart beats and the other butterfly in stomach in response to anxiety. One will get uncontrollable weeping and other will not be able to cry in response to grief...

What does all this tell us? It just tells us that all human beings are different and unique in their physical appearance, likes, dislikes, cravings, aversions, mental and physical states, temperaments, emotions, intellect and also their sufferings. And this uniqueness of the individuals is called Individualization.

Individualization does not apply only to human beings but it also applies to each and every living being... Just like no two humans are alike, no two animals and no two plants are also alike... Many of us have found this experience with their pet animals.

These individualizing unique characteristics at both mental and physical levels are so easy to understand and talk about. But a question that comes to my mind is – “Is it so easy to accept this individualization (uniqueness) in each and every aspect, in our family members, friends and fellow human beings?”

We believe in uniqueness but when our thoughts, ideas, concepts, beliefs as a child, as a parent, as a family member, as a friend do not match with other person, do we grant that individualization to the other person? Do we accept their reactions and responses so easily?

Examples:

1) If my friend likes a movie and if I do not like it, will I accept it easily? I would say what is there to like in it? I would try to highlight all those things which are bad about it, while having a conversation about it.

2) When we go to a restaurant and order Chinese food, and when you notice that somebody on the next table has ordered Continental food, how many times do we make faces and show our dislike towards others? How does it matter to me what the other person has ordered? He has ordered what he likes and I have ordered what I like. But we have the tendency to say ‘How can he like that?'

3) A couple has to go to a wedding reception and wife wants the husband to wear suit but if husband wants to wear traditional dress, how many would accept it easily? Or will question his dressing sense?

4) My son wants to become musician and I want him to become doctor. How easily will I gulp his idea of becoming musician?

5) Wife has a concept that once we wake up in the morning, everyone should finish their routines and get ready fast then do other things, even on Sundays... And if husband wants to do everything in a relaxing manner, spending more time with newspaper, does not want to shave, etc., will wife be comfortable? Accept easily or there will be disturbances on these issues?

6) When husband comes home at night and wants to watch news and his wife is watching some Hindi TV serial which he just doesn't understand what is there to like about in it... How many times will he remind wife of her sub-standard choice in TV serials?

7) Every mother feels her child should eat healthy food and study whole day. He/she should live a very disciplined life. Agreed, but how many of us will comfortably agree to their eating junk foods even at times and doing time pass in other activities other than studies? Don’t we give our judgment that the way they are spending time is not right?

How easily we accept those qualities of our spouse, parents, friends, in-laws or relatives which are different from ours? Which are different from the thoughts, concepts and value systems that we possess?

Who are we to question anyone’s likes and dislikes? Still we question their thoughts and their feelings. We opine on their reactions. We become judgemental and we give our judgment. We accept what matches our temperament and we reject what is different from our tastes and temperaments. We start proving them right or wrong on the basis of the concepts we hold, and the experiences we pass through.

If we accept that individualization (uniqueness) exists, and exists only in living beings, if we know how important it is to understand this uniqueness, it is even more important to accept this individualization, in the fellow living beings, to LIVE life happily and let others live happily. Only then we will start giving freedom and space to other persons. Freedom and space to think and to feel. We will not impose our thoughts and feelings on the other person. If we respect individualization, we will not compare one living being with another and humiliate them. We will let them BE whatever they are. We will not make efforts to change them. We will let them learn from their mistakes. We will let them learn their own lessons. We will accept them, the way they are very happily. We will not reject them if they think, feel and behave differently.

Knowingly and unknowingly, we create a lot of problems in inter-person-relationships because of our non-acceptance of the other fellow human being, whether that person is our spouse, parent, children, sibling, relative, friend, neighbour, partner, colleague, boss, or employee.

If we understand this unique law of nature, accept this uniqueness in our fellow beings, most of our problems of relationships in life will be solved. Unconditional acceptance of individualization will make our life blissful... and... We will live life happily.